Witched to Death Read online

  I picked up my half-full glass and took a sip. “Yes, yes it does.”

  “How about after we’re done here, we get comfortable by the fire and forget the wine while we get reacquainted… again.”

  “Only if your ass doesn’t need to be shaved,” I teased.

  “Funny. Very funny.” He pinched my back side, making me yelp, then picked me up and set me on the counter. He was just moving in for a kiss when a sharp rap sounded on the door.

  “Expecting someone?” I asked, pushing my out of control hair out of my eyes.

  “No. Wait right here. Do not move. I have plans for you.”

  I leaned back against the counter, happiness welling up from that long forgotten place in my soul. It wasn’t that I was an unhappy ghost. I wasn’t. But this… living, it was precious and I intended to take full advantage, no matter how long I happened to be here. Because no matter how much I wanted to pretend this was real, it wasn’t.

  Zelda had said temporary. It was best to not forget that.

  Diesel peered through the side window and frowned as he opened the door. “Alice? What’s going on?” He glanced at the wall clock. “Kind of late for a social call.”

  The squat woman, with short, purple hair strode in as if she owned the place. She was dressed in overalls, a Hawaiian floral shirt, and sparkling pink sequined chucks. “There’s been an attack on a were fox. She was killed in an explosion, and Zelda’s friend Sassy has been implicated.”

  “What?” I hopped off the counter and ran over to them. “When did this happen?”

  “Last night, outside the Pink Toad. Since Sassy says you two were with her last night right before the alleged attack, Zelda is requesting you come to her house. The powers that be want to question you.”

  The memory of puke green flames, followed by a small blast echoed in my mind. Had Sassy accidentally hit an innocent when she’d been protecting me? Holy hell. “I’ll get some shoes.”

  “Of course. Is Sassy in custody?” I heard Diesel ask the woman as I stuffed my feet into Zelda’s ankle boots.

  “Not yet. But Baba Yaga is expected to show up sometime soon. That’s why you’re needed ASAP.”

  “I’m ready,” I said, striding back over to them.

  Alice scanned the length of my body and snickered. “Nice outfit.”

  Seriously? This person with her overalls and Barbie shoes was giving me crap about what I was wearing? I glanced down at myself and held one foot out, admiring it. “You gotta admit, these shoes are A-mazing, though, right?”

  “I guess. But they aren’t going to help you in a were fight.” She turned and disappeared off the porch.

  “She has no imagination,” I said to Diesel.

  He eyed my feet, studying the spikey heels. “In your hands, I’d guess those things should be registered as a deadly weapon.”

  “Damned straight.”

  “Oh, Ida May,” Sassy said, as she jumped out of Jeeves’s truck in front of Zelda’s house. She ran toward me with her arms out, her boobs nearly bouncing right out of her skin-tight tank top. How was it she wasn’t freezing her tits off? “Can you believe this?” she wailed.

  I shook my head just as she slammed into me, nearly knocking me on my ass.

  “Whoa,” I said, grabbing onto her to steady myself.

  “Sorry. Just a little overly stimulated.” She slipped her arm through mine and together we walked up the porch stairs and into Zelda’s brightly lit house. As we stood in the foyer, she leaned over and whispered, “How did it go last night? Did you rock his world?”

  I pulled back, staring at her like she was a crazy person. “Have you lost your mind?”

  “So you two didn’t knock boots?” she asked, glancing between the two of us.

  Diesel cleared his throat and I blushed. Blushed for goddess’ sake.

  “Oh, you did!” she clapped her hands together and bounced up and down like a kid in the candy store. Then she leaned into me. “Does he have a jack hammer move?”

  “For the love of the baby Jesus, will you please start taking this seriously?” Zelda said as she strode into the living room, looking as if she’d just stepped off a runway in Paris. She wore black skinny jeans, an off-the-shoulder silk peasant blouse, and a silver pendant necklace that stopped somewhere around her bellybutton. “If we can’t find proof that you aren’t responsible for this, you’re going to end up on the first train back to Salem where you’ll spend the rest of your days in cell block D. Without me to torture.”

  Sassy frowned, considering Zelda’s words. “That would suck ass, wouldn’t it? As bad as it was when we were there, at least I could entertain myself by pissing you off.”

  Zelda rolled her eyes.

  “You were both in jail?” I asked, astonished.

  “Witch’s jail,” Sassy supplied. “Zelda killed her familiar. Ran over it with the car three times… on purpose.”

  “I did not run him over on purpose. How many times do I have to tell you that?” Zelda practically yelled at her.

  “Whatever. And it turns out her familiar was her dad. Fabio. Talk about fucked up family relations.” Sassy lifted her hand to the side of her face, shielding her mouth from Zelda and then stuck her tongue out.

  “I saw that.” Zelda scowled, and her face turned almost as red as her hair.

  “Whatever.”

  Zelda shook her head in exasperation. “If you think Baba Daba Ying A-ling is going to go easy on you after you slept with her boyfriend, you’ve lost your mind. Instead of standing here irritating the shit out of me, you might want to start thinking about how you’re going to clear your name.”

  “You slept with her boyfriend?” I asked, not sure if I should be amused or horrified. Messing with the queen witch was never a good move.

  She waved a hand, brushing it off. “That was a long time ago.”

  “And the reason she was in the witch pokey,” Zelda added.

  “Wow. And I thought we had a lot of drama down in New Orleans,” I said.

  Heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Mac appeared with Jeeves in tow. “Zelda, perhaps we should go over last night’s events over coffee?”

  She nodded, still eyeing Sassy with irritation. “You’re probably right.”

  I followed Diesel into the next room, Zelda’s boots clacking on the hardwood floors.

  “You need a wardrobe change,” Sassy said to me as she wrinkled her nose.

  I eyed her skintight jeans and her leopard print tank top that was cut so low her boobs were nearly hanging out. “Speak for yourself.”

  She eyed her ample bosom. “What? It’s sexy.”

  “Whatever you say.” I snuggled into Diesel’s sweatshirt and asked, “Aren’t you cold? I mean even though there’s no snow, it’s still winter and freezing out there.”

  “Na. It’s the magic. Keeps my blood warm.”

  “Must be nice.”

  The six of us took our places at the table just as Fabio appeared and started the coffee. He was dressed in dark jeans and an expensive-looking sports jacket. His hair was perfectly groomed, and the only thing that was out of place was the bright red lipstick staining his white collar. Looked like Fabio had just gotten home from a date.

  “So, what happened?” I asked.

  “It appears,” Mac said, “that a small group of Shifters arrived in town yesterday. One of them wanted to see Zelda about correcting an enhancement spell that had gone bad.”

  “An enhancement spell?” Sassy snorted. “Please let this be a penile implant.”

  “Why me?” Zelda muttered. “What did I do in this life to deserve this torture.”

  “You ran over your familiar,” Fabio answered helpfully.

  “Oh shut up, Naked Dude. You’re not helping.”

  He grinned at her and placed a fresh carafe of coffee on the table.

  “As I was saying,” Mac continued, “one of the female foxes was here to call on Zelda. According to the victim’s friends, they stopped at the Pink Toad fo
r a late dinner and while they were walking back to their car, there was a spell that backfired, and the attack ended with an explosion and one casualty.”

  There was silence all around the table, all bickering forgotten.

  After a moment, I asked, “What kind of explosion?

  “The kind that leaves a faint trace of puke-green residue,” Mac said, his gaze landing on Sassy.

  I sucked in a sharp breath.

  Sassy stood up. “I didn’t attack anyone. Well, that’s not true. I attacked that jealous bitch who tried to beat Ida May’s ass, but no one else.”

  “Wait, what?” Zelda asked.

  I cleared my throat. “At the Pink Toad, I was dancing with some cowboy. After we had some shots, he got a little handsy, which was, whatever.”

  Diesel’s eyes narrowed at my words, but he didn’t say anything.

  “I didn’t think much of it, was kinda drunk—”

  “Kinda?” Sassy interjected with a laugh. “There was no kinda about it. The girl was wobbling all over the place.”

  “Thanks for that,” I said dryly.

  “Anytime!” Sassy winked, ignoring my sarcasm.

  “Anyway, after Diesel practically blew a gasket, I ditched the cowboy and went to the bathroom. While I was there my head started to spin. Another woman was in there and offered to help me outside to get some air. Only when we got out there, she attacked me. Kept saying I was to stay away from her man and that I should burn in hell. Told me to stay away from Diesel, that he was supposed to suffer, and I was ruining everything. I don’t know what her deal was, but the witch was completely off her rocker.”

  Zelda turned abruptly to Diesel. “It has to be the witch who cursed you. She’s trying to stop Ida May from helping you get your shift back.”

  “I know,” Diesel agreed. “But Ida May didn’t recognize her, and she disappeared after Sassy attacked her, so there’s not much to go on.”

  “Anyway,” I continued. “I think my attacker would’ve done some serious damage if Sassy hadn’t been there. Sassy threw some crazy puke-green magic at her, which yes, resulted in a small explosion, but I didn’t see anyone else. Only the one witch. After that Diesel and I left. Sassy was supposed to report the incident. She didn’t tell you?”

  “Oops!” Sassy clapped her hand over her mouth and giggled as she glanced at Jeeves. “We, uh, got a little distracted.”

  Zelda stared at the ceiling and started mumbling to herself. “Maybe I should let them take you to Salem. My life would be so much easier.”

  “You say that now, but you’d miss me,” Sassy quipped.

  “Try me.” Zelda picked up her mug, but didn’t drink it.

  “The only problem with that,” Mac said, “is there’s a crazy witch running around cursing people and trying to kill Ida May. So letting the blame fall in Sassy’s lap isn’t really a solution.”

  “I was only joking… mostly,” Zelda added.

  Sassy beamed at her. “I know you love me.”

  “So where do we go from here?” I asked, squeezing Diesel’s hand.

  “We need to talk to Baba Yaga, fill her in, and pray she believes Sassy’s story,” Zelda said. “But Sassy’s not her favorite witch, so this could be tricky.”

  “Neither are you,” Sassy said under her breath.

  “But I’m a witness,” I said. “I was there.”

  “Did you see where Sassy went after the attack? Did you see her leave?” Mac asked me.

  “No, but Jeeves was with her.”

  Sassy’s beau hadn’t said a word since we’d arrived, but he was sitting straight up at the table, his eyes darting around the room in a nervous fashion.

  “Were you with her all night, son?” Mac asked the kangaroo Shifter.

  He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. All night. All day, too. She didn’t attack anyone.”

  “No one who wasn’t Jeeves, anyway,” Sassy added.

  The two shared a secret smile and although they were gag-worthy, they were also pretty sweet.

  Sassy, leaned over and covered his mouth with hers, practically sucking his face off as she kissed him.

  Everyone grimaced at the scene. Okay, correction. They were vomit inducing.

  “Enough,” Zelda said and stood. “No one wants to see that.”

  “If I’m going back to the pokey, I don’t want to waste precious time.” Sassy pushed one of Jeeves’s braids behind his ear. “I mean, how will I survive without this fine specimen to keep me warm at night?”

  Zelda’s eyes practically rolled out of her head. “You’re not going to the pokey. Once Baba Yaga gets here, we’ll explain everything.”

  “When will that be?” I asked, glancing at the clock. It was already well after midnight.

  “Early. She’s dealing with another crisis up north. Everyone is to stay put until she gets here. Got that, Sassy?” Zelda stared pointedly at the other witch.

  “Got it, but if Jeeves and I get a little loud later, it’s because I want to make sure he remembers me in case things go south.” Sassy grinned at Jeeves and for the first time all night, he grinned back.

  I woke to Diesel rummaging around in the room.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, sitting up, rubbing at my eyes. It was still dark out, but the moon shone through the window, illuminating my Shifter as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

  “There’s been another attack. Zelda and Mac are going to check it out. Fabio and I going with them,” he finished buttoning his pants and sat to pull on his boots.

  I swung my legs out of the bed, my feet hitting the cold wood floor. “I’m coming with you.”

  He reached over and placed a light hand on me. “No. Stay here with Sassy. I’m going because I want to see if I can identify the attacker. But since I’m still shiftless, it’s going to be enough to keep myself safe. I don’t want to be worrying about you as well.”

  I frowned, not liking that at all. “Do you have to go?”

  “I’m afraid so.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “If I want to break this curse, I need to figure out who’s behind it. There’s a good chance this new attack is the same witch.”

  His answer wasn’t what I was hoping for, but it was hard to argue his logic. “What happened?”

  “Another shifter was almost taken out by the same puke-green magic. A were beaver this time. He was on his way here to have his teeth fixed after they were knocked out in a bar fight.”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “A toothless beaver? That really sucks balls.”

  “It would for sure.”

  “But this means Sassy is cleared, right?” I asked. “I mean she was here all night.”

  “She was as far as we know. But even that’s not conclusive since we were all sleeping. The attack happened less than a mile from here. What if she slipped out?”

  “Dammit!” I climbed out of bed then, knowing any possibility of sleep wasn’t going to happen now. “This is really effed up.”

  He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me in, brushing his lips over mine. “You’re right. It is. But we’re going to figure this out. Try not to worry. And stick close to Sassy and Jeeves. They can protect you if anything happens.”

  “All right,” I slumped against him, taking in his oak scent. “Be careful, okay?”

  “I will.” Then he dipped his head and caught my lips in a fierce kiss that left me breathless. A second later, he was gone.

  I pulled on the cotton pajamas, robe, and thick wool socks Zelda had loaned me. If I was going to be awake, I was going to make myself useful.

  Tiptoeing past the room Sassy and Jeeves shared, I heard low murmurs, followed by a giggle, then a satisfied moan.

  “I guess she wasn’t kidding when she said she was going to make sure he didn’t forget her,” I said to myself and made my way down to the kitchen. Flicking the light on, I peered around the gourmet kitchen and smiled to myself. Even if the world was going to shit, there was still coffee and plenty of bacon.

&n
bsp; A half hour later, I had a full platter of maple bacon, a giant stack of pancakes, and warm buttermilk biscuits. A carb fest, sure, but who cared? Diesel and I would work the calories off later.

  I’d just poured a large helping of warm, real maple syrup on my pancakes when I heard a knock at the door.

  I froze. “Who is it?”

  “Open up,” a woman’s voice called. “It’s Diesel. He’s hurt.”

  I jumped up from my spot and ran to the back door, throwing it open. “What happened?”

  No one answered. Unease made my stomach roll as I peered out into the darkness. “Hello? Diesel?”

  A blast of puke-green light came out of nowhere, nearly blinding me. I flung myself to the side as the light rushed past me, lighting my robe on fire. I let out a startled cry and rolled, putting the fire out before I went up in a blaze of glory.

  “On your feet,” the woman said, now standing in the doorway.

  Without even looking at her, I rolled under the table, taking cover.

  “You have been the bane of my existence for the last time,” she said.

  From under the table, I spotted the black shoes with the red ribbons. It was the witch from the Pink Toad. Of course it was. No wonder she was using puke-green magic. It was what Sassy had used on her the night before. Using the same spell and leaving the residue behind was the perfect plan to pin all the mayhem on Sassy.

  “What is your problem with me?” I asked, frustration turning to rage. “I don’t even know you.”

  She let out a bark of humorless laughter. “Oh, you know me all right. But more importantly I know you, you whore.”

  “Whore?” I said in a mocking tone. “Is that all you’ve got? Not very original.” I scooted backward, keeping an eye on those damned shoes.

  “How about low class, dirty, money-chasing skank?”

  I rolled my eyes and slipped between two chairs, wondering when the hell Sassy was going to notice there was a crazy bitch stalking me in the kitchen. If she was riding Jeeves and screaming her head off, she might be a while.

  “What, too close to home? Does poor little Ida May Belvins think her knight in shining armor is going to come save her? Does she really think he’s going to marry her and take her off to the pack where she’ll be respected and treated like a lady of class instead of the low class whore she really is?”