Magic and Mayhem: Witch, Please (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Ida May Chronicles Book 2) Read online

  Text copyright ©2016 by the Author.

  This work was made possible by a special license through the Kindle Worlds publishing program and has not necessarily been reviewed by Robyn Peterman. All characters, scenes, events, plots and related elements appearing in the original Magic and Mayhem remain the exclusive copyrighted and/or trademarked property of Robyn Peterman, or their affiliates or licensors.

  For more information on Kindle Worlds: http://www.amazon.com/kindleworlds

  Witch, Please

  The Ida May Chronicles

  Deanna Chase

  Contents

  About This Book

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Magic and Mayhem World

  About This Book

  Witch, Please is a Kindle World offering featuring Ida May from the Pyper Rayne novels.

  Vacationing in Asscrack, WV isn’t Ida May’s idea of a good time... until she ends up skinny dipping with a growly wolf shifter and a badass ghost rider.

  Plucked from the Louisiana bayou, Ida May once again finds herself summoned to Assjacket, WV. Only this time she’s brought a friend... the sexy ghost rider she’s been sort of dating. Now she’s not only dealing with a curse that could send her to hell, she’s also caught in a sticky love triangle with two hot men. Her mission: save herself, her ex-lover, and her heart without anyone getting hurt.

  1

  “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I cried, smacking my bare ass. Dammit! The giant mosquito avoided my assault and flew off with a gut-full of my blood. Now I was going to be scratching my left butt cheek for the next week.

  “Ida May!” The shrill voice of my friend, Sassy, rang through the woods of Asscrack, West Virginia. The perky blonde bounced up and down near a large tree, grinning at me. Zelda, the witchy Shifter healer stood beside her, stoic as if summoning a ghost was an everyday occurrence.

  “What the hell am I doing here… again?” I asked, pissed my date with Sterling had been interrupted. He was my ghost rider, sort of boyfriend. We’d been flying down the bayou backroads on his motorcycle when all the sudden I’d felt a weird tug in my gut and had ended up here in the dirt and trees. And in human form. Considering I’d been a ghost for the past century, that part didn’t suck, but being summoned to Asscrack probably meant trouble.

  I’d landed here in this very same spot a few months ago, when a wolf friend of mine needed my help. The good part? I’d shed my ghost status and had shown up human, just as I had now. And I’d had a nice little affair with the hot Shifter. Score! The bad? After we’d broken the spell, I’d turned ghost again and had gone back to New Orleans where I belonged.

  I wondered how long I’d be human this time.

  Sassy ran toward me, her arms outstretched and her boobs dangerously close to bouncing right out of her skin-tight, animal-print tank top.

  “Whoa!” I held my hands up. “I’m naked here. No touching until I get some clothes.”

  “We brought you some this time.” She grinned and reached for a bag, then stopped suddenly, her mouth hanging open. “Holy shit! Who’s that?”

  I followed her gaze, spotting the very sexy, very naked biker I’d thought I’d abandoned back in the bayou. “Sterling?”

  He glanced down at himself, a slow smile claiming his lips as he focused his attention on me. “This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I asked if you wanted to hang out, but I can adjust.”

  I eyed his generous package and snorted. Then I sobered. Sterling Charles had taken on a human form… and so had I. Oh, holy Jesus. It was on. The things I was going to do to that man… And judging by the hungry look on his face, he was having similar thoughts.

  “Damn,” Sassy fanned her face dramatically. “Someone bring me a bucket of ice, because it just got really hot out here.”

  “Give Ida May the clothes,” Zelda said. She eyed Sterling, taking a little more time than necessary to check him out, then added, “I don’t know where you came from, but I’m sure Mac has something you can wear back at the house.”

  “Why does he need clothes?” Sassy asked, licking her lips. “I mean, look at him.”

  I reached into the bag she’d handed me and found booty shorts, a T-shirt that was two sizes too small for me, a pair of socks, and tennis shoes. I pulled the shirt and shorts on, then stood in front of Sassy with my arms out. “Seriously?”

  She clasped her hands together. “You look hot!”

  “I look like a sausage.” Shaking my head, I tossed the socks to Sterling. “Here. Cover your junk before a mosquito molests you.” I glanced from the socks to his man-rod and back at the socks. “I’m not sure they’re big enough.”

  “Lord help me,” Zelda pleaded, staring up at the forest canopy. “Why does this shit always happen to me?”

  “Oh, you love it,” Sassy said, pushing her blond hair back to get a better look at Sterling. “I mean, who wouldn’t?”

  “I have a feeling Jeeves wouldn’t care too much for this situation.” Zelda glanced at me. “I’ll be back at the house. Meet me there. We have things to discuss.” She turned and disappeared through the trees.

  “I don’t know when she became such a prude.” Sassy hooked her arm through mine. “With the way she and Mac hump like bunnies, you’d think she’d be more fun.”

  I glanced back at Sterling. Instead of covering his manbits, he’d pulled the socks on his feet and was gingerly working his way over to me, seemingly undisturbed by his nakedness. “I like you,” I told him.

  “That’s lucky. I like you, too.” He gave me his sexy half smile before turning his attention to Sassy. “Want to tell me what it is we’re doing here? I’m not complaining, mind you. But it’s not every day two ghosts get brought back from the dead.”

  “Oh, you’re still dead.” Sassy waved a dismissive hand. “Sort of. At least Ida May is.” She swept her gaze over Sterling, making no effort to avoid his groin area. “I’m not real sure about you. Were you two doing the nasty right before Zelda summoned Ida May or something?”

  He glanced at me, humor flashing in his eyes. “No, but that’s on the agenda for later.”

  “Really?” I asked, a huge grin spreading over my face. “Kind of presumptuous don’t you think?”

  “No.” He slipped his arm around my waist, dipped his head, and lightly nipped my neck just below my ear.

  My eyes fell closed and a small moan escaped my lips as a delicious tingle of desire shot through me.

  “Oh my God!” Sassy cried and forcefully pulled us apart. “You can’t do that right in front of me. Or rather, you could if Jeeves was here. I mean that could be pretty freakin’ hot.” She pumped her eyebrows for effect. “But he’s not here and unless I’m invited, that kind of thing is strictly off limits. Got it?”

  I leaned into Sterling, enjoying his hard muscular body against mine and ignored her as I gazed up at him. “Do you know what I’d do for a bed right now? Or just somewhere that was mosquito free?” I slapped at my right butt cheek, certain one of the bastards had just snacked on my exposed flesh. The booty shorts were barely covering anything.

  “Later,” he promised. “Right now I think maybe we should find out why your friends brought you here.”

  “There had better be lunch. I’m starving.” I turned to Sassy, patting my stomach. “I hope Zelda shopped. It’s been a while since I ate.”

  “How long?” she asked.
/>
  “Two months.”

  2

  Zelda’s large white house with a grand wraparound porch was just as beautiful as I remembered. It sat in a clearing, the bright rays of sunlight shining down in an angelic manner. But I knew better. While Zelda undoubtedly was a decent witch, she’d still spent time in the witch pokey for killing her familiar. Not to mention, she lived with her father, Fabio, a warlock I knew intimately from when I’d worked in Storyville—the red light district in New Orleans—over a century ago.

  And let me just say, he was far from angelic. I had the memories to prove it.

  The three of us climbed the stairs, and without knocking, Sassy led us into the house.

  “Zelda went upstairs,” Fabio said. “She said—Ida May?”

  I grinned at the huge man. “Naked Dude! Good to see you.”

  Fabio’s emerald green eyes raked over me and shone with appreciation.

  “Naked Dude?” Sterling asked from behind me.

  “Long story,” I said. Then I turned my attention back to Fabio. “Naked Dude, meet Sterling. He’s a ghost rider.”

  Fabio gave Sterling a short nod and quickly averted his gaze. “Looks like there’s a new naked dude in town.”

  I laughed. “Touché.”

  “Not for long,” Zelda said, descending the grand staircase, a pile of clothes in her hands. She strode over to Sterling. “Here. After you’ve covered your joystick, meet us in the kitchen. I’ve already got a pot of coffee brewing.”

  Sterling raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Did she just call my dick a joystick?”

  I patted his arm. “That’s what it sounded like to me.” Scanning his magnificent body, I frowned. “Too bad you have to cover it, though. Cause that’s a damn fine view.”

  He winked. “I’ll let you have your fill later.” Then he crossed the room and disappeared into a bathroom.

  “Who is that?” Fabio asked.

  “Ida May’s new boy toy. She was with him when Zelda summoned her. He apparently came along for the ride.” Sassy grinned and gave me two thumbs up. “He’s no Jeeves, but if I was single I wouldn’t mind sitting on his—”

  “Sassy. Jesus.” Shaking her head, Zelda gestured to the kitchen. “Can we get down to business now?”

  “Sure. Fine. I was just having some fun.” Sassy waited for Zelda to stride into the kitchen before she turned to me and rolled her eyes. “She’s a little stressed.”

  “You would be too if your spell backfired,” Fabio said, concentrating on his fashion magazine. His eyes widened as he spotted something on the page. “But this will cheer her up.” He held the magazine up for us, pointing to a pair of red-patent boots. “Gucci.”

  “Oh, she’ll die for those,” I said, remembering Zelda’s weakness for anything with a designer label.

  “If I go right now, I think I have a chance.” With a nod, he snapped his fingers and disappeared into thin air.

  “He needs a twelve-step program,” I said.

  Sassy rolled her eyes. “The only program he’d participate in is How to Score Twelve Pairs of Designer Shoes in Twelve Days. That man will never reform.”

  I frowned, remembering something he’d said. “What did he mean about Zelda’s spell backfiring?”

  “She… uh, tried to heal a Shifter and things didn’t go well. It’s been a rough couple of days. But now that you’re here that’s all about to change.” Sassy slipped her arm through mine and led me into the kitchen. “First sugar and caffeine. Then we can get down to business.”

  That sounded reasonable to me as I spotted the feast spread over the large oak dining room table. “Is that cheesecake?” I asked, my voice going high-pitched with my excitement.

  “With strawberries and real whipped cream. She also has chocolate torte, carrot cake, and green M&Ms. Zelda wanted to put you in a sugar coma before she hits you with the bad news.”

  Zelda glared at Sassy as she brought over a carafe of coffee. “You’re not helping.”

  “I’m a huge help! I got her clothes didn’t I? She’s gonna thank me later, once her man strips them off her, too.”

  “How about I just thank you in advance?” Sterling said, appearing from the other room, walking straight for me. He was wearing low slung jeans, a tight gray T-shirt, and scuffed black boots. All he needed was the hat and he’d be the quintessential cowboy.

  “Nice ass,” I said, leaning back to take a look at his perfectly molded backside.

  “Yours, too.” He wrapped an arm around my waist and rested his large hand on my hip.

  “Hungry?” I asked, waving at the dessert buffet.

  “Always.” That half smile was back and I knew he wasn’t referring to the food.

  “Hey, Zelda?” I glanced at the redhead who was leaning against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. “Where are Sterling and I staying?”

  “Here. In the guest room,” she said with an exaggerated sigh as she moved to sit at the table. She picked up a fork and pointed to the empty chairs. “Sit. There’s a reason I brought you here and it wasn’t for the non-stop innuendo.”

  “She has me for that,” Sassy said as she mimed buffing her nails on her shirt. “It’s one of my many talents.”

  “One of your only talents,” Zelda mumbled and jabbed her fork into the torte, not even bothering to slice herself a piece.

  I snickered and took my seat. After helping myself to a generous portion of cheesecake, topping it with strawberries and a mountain of whipped cream, I dug in. When I was a third of the way through, I glanced up, finding Zelda and Sassy staring at me with their mouths hanging open.

  “What? I haven’t eaten in forever. Just wait until you’re dead and see how you like fasting all the time.” I pointed to Sterling’s plate. He’d opted for a piece of everything. “See?”

  “It’s not that,” Zelda said.

  “Look at your wrist!” Sassy blurted.

  “Huh?” I held my hands out in front of me and gasped. My left wrist had developed some sort of tattooed vine that was now slowly inching its way up my arm. But right in the middle there was an angry red pentagram… and it was glowing. “What the hell is that?”

  Zelda and Sassy exchanged a look. “It’s the reason we brought you here.”

  The pentagram held my attention as it started to pulse. My head swam, dizziness taking over. “This wasn’t… I didn’t have this before I got here,” I forced out, suddenly having trouble breathing.

  “Shit! This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Zelda stood and rounded the table.

  My stomach rolled, rejecting my sugary brunch. I grabbed my stomach and moaned. “I’m about to lose this cheesecake.”

  Sassy jumped up and backed away, holding one hand over her eyes. “Oh, God. Don’t barf. I’m not friends with people who can’t hold it together. I’m far too delicate for that.”

  “I’ll remember that next time you need someone to hold your hair back after downing two pitchers of margaritas,” Zelda muttered and placed her thumb over the pentagram. Purple light radiated from her hand, and a soothing calm came over me as her magic spilled into me. Healing magic. My stomach settled and my vision cleared.

  “Thank the goddess. You’re a miracle worker,” I said, inspecting the now benign tattoo. But then I remembered Fabio’s words and frowned. “Wait, Fabio said something about a spell backfiring. I’m not going to suddenly combust or something, am I? You didn’t just render me radioactive or anything, right?”

  “Of course not,” Zelda said exasperated. “The spell that backfired, well, I was trying to reverse a curse and it made things worse. This… what I just did for you was more like stanching a wound.” She shook her head, her expression apologetic. “I’m afraid it’s temporary at best. More like a Band-Aid instead of a cure.”

  “Maybe someone should explain what exactly is going on,” Sterling said, slipping his arm around my shoulders.

  I sat up straighter, meeting Zelda’s troubled gaze. “Yes, I think it’s time to get down t
o business. Why exactly am I here, what is the mark, and who gave it to me? And what does it mean?” I eyed both Sassy and Zelda suspiciously. “I was perfectly fine back in New Orleans.”

  Sassy clamped her mouth shut and pointedly turned to Zelda, clearly waiting for her to take the lead.

  “Oh hell.” Zelda retreated and leaned against the kitchen bar. “That same mark appeared on Diesel just this morning.”

  “Diesel! Where is he? Is he all right?” Of course this was about him. We’d been a thing a century ago and then again a couple of months ago, but that was all over. He’d found his mate. And I’d started seeing Sterling. Not to mention my ghost status wasn’t exactly conducive for a long-term relationship. The only reason we’d gotten together is because Ophelia, a wretched jealous witch, had cursed him and only my forgiveness had cured him. But that was months ago.

  “He’s okay for now. Mac’s with him,” Zelda said. Mac was her mate and the king of the Shifters. “After I get this out, we’ll take you to him.”

  That didn’t sound good. Was he on his death bed or something? The sooner we got this over with, the sooner I’d see for myself. “Go on then.”

  “Three days ago, Diesel called me because he was feeling extremely weak. He could shift, but it was really taking it out of him. His muscles ached and he was hot to the touch. I thought he had some sort of weird Shifter flu. So this morning, I did what I usually do and tried to heal him. Only the minute I poured my magic into him, he started to convulse and out of nowhere, a bolt of magic hit his table and this showed up.”

  Zelda waved her hand, causing the air in front of her to shimmer. Magic crackled and then a piece of parchment appeared, floating onto the table just in front of me. I glanced at the scrawling handwriting, unable to make anything of the foreign language.

  I didn’t give two craps about some piece of parchment, though. If Diesel was hurt, I wanted to see him. Now. “What happened to Diesel? Is he all right?”